Sunday, February 13, 2011

It's very hard to believe I'm pregnant. You might think the constant torturous mind-blowing nausea might make it all a little bit more real, but no.

Maybe because it happened so easily. With Annalise, I wanted to get pregnant from the instant we got married. Dave wanted to wait a year. I thought about it constantly, yearned for it, dreamed of it, would do anything for it. It seemed like every fiber, every cell of my being was screaming for it. The desire to have a baby was overwhelming in its intensity. After a few months, Dave agreed and we got pregnant not the first month we tried (I was convinced something was terribly wrong with one of us and discussed at length with Dave my overly-researched fears and the corresponding medical options available) but the second month.

This time, quite out of the blue, I felt ready to have another baby. This was after a very serious pinky-swear to the contrary Dave and I made in the delivery room after Annalise arrived, as well as almost a year and a half of telling each other there was no way we could ever do any of it again. This was after perhaps a millisecond of finally feeling able to at least tread water in life without feeling like I was drowning every day and every night.

I gave a good sell to Dave. The conversation lasted an hour and a hour. Dave was adament and not buying. He could not do it and he would not do it. I came away feeling satisfied that at least he knew how I felt and it was not my responsibility to talk him into anything or convince him of anything.

Quite to my surprise, by the next night he had changed his mind. I became pregnant three days later.

Having Annalise around meant that I never got to obsess about it beforehand (much too busy with her instead), nor have I been able to think much about it afterwards (much too busy with her instead!). I haven't read the books this time that detail the growth of the fetus day by day, nor have I daily scoured the internet for images of grape-sized embryos that match the age of my own. I'm a little too busy to be self-indulgent.

I pray these uncomfortable months fly quickly by (and to tell the truth that the sleepless newborn months fly quickly too) and that someday soon, all four of us can snuggle together on the bed, no one crying, no one waking, sleeping peacefully, for hours and hours and hours at a time. Aah, what a lovely dream. :)

8 comments:

Tracy said...

I love that dream too ... actually (and ironically) I often dream of getting good sleep. I'm two months and 12 days away from adding number three to that picture ... it could be a while before my dream comes true. :) Good luck and hang in there girl!

Valerie and Mercado Family said...

Oh yes, it does go by faster to second time around and nothing seems quite as bad with the sick part of the pregnancy b/c your mind is on your other child. It's so fun to have another one, or two...

Jodie said...

Sometimes I thought it went by faster after the first, and sometimes not. Not when I was feeling sick, that's for sure. And I played with the other kids lying down on the floor a lot because I was so tired. :) Two is so fun- I'm excited for you guys!

melis said...

wow!! i didn't see your blog for a while and so much happens! congrats!! the time will probably fly by since you're chasing after another little one...take care... :)

Made In The South said...

Oh, the time will pass very quickly.
I remember being so sick for my second child. He is now on a trip for highschool and will be gone two days. Gosh the time does go by.
Thanks for commenting on my post, yes I do love my machine. It can do so much more, but I just do not have the time to sit and work with it. It even sews and quilts.
Hope you are feeling better soon.

Becki@Just The Three of Us said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Will you be blogging at Craftily Ever After any more? I love your printables, etc.

Kate said...

Jessica! You're more than welcome! Hey, send me an email and I will send you a full sized file of that picture!

katejenningsphotography@gmail.com