Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Mother's Day Letter

My most precious baby girl,

Sunday was Mother's Day. My very first one as a mommy. I'm not sure I can really wrap my head around the fact that you are my daughter and I am your mother. I mean, I know you're mine, but the fact that that makes me a MOTHER is hard to believe. A mother. Wow.

Daddy made me breakfast in bed and you were keen to share it with me. He has perfected the art of Bread Pudding and you, with your hefty consumption, let it be known that you too are a lover of such yumminess. Nowadays if I am ever eating anything you lumber over from wherever you are, dragging yourself none-too-delicately on your belly, and start crawling up my body to get at whatever I have. You love sweet potatoes but pretty much any other baby food is beneath you. You want real food. You'll eat anything the adults are having. You haven't learned how to feed yourself yet so you grunt or hum when you are ready for another bite. You've also just started drinking from a sippy cup. Again, you don't hold it for yourself (even though you can) but patiently open your mouth and put your head back so Mommy or Daddy can hold it to your lips. You like to drink the water but you usually choke.

Annalise, you are such a special little person. You are exuberant. Your joys and your sadness are epic events. You screech with laughter and howl with frustration. When you get angry you fling yourself backwards and kick your legs in a tantrum. I didn't know a girl not even nine months old could tantrum, but you do! You love to play peek-a-boo with Daddy. You love to play with paper. You love other babies and bigger kids.

You are a good person. You are a nice person. When you are well-rested, there is no one happier or more outgoing. You are inquisitive and very serious when you are taking information in. When you see people you don't know they try to make you smile but mostly you just stare at them with wonder. I can see the little wheels turning in your brain trying to make sense of them.

As a special Mother's Day treat, you pulled yourself up to a standing position for the first time! Since then, you do it every chance you get. The only problem is that once you're standing you fall! You can't really hold yourself up yet but I know that will soon change.

You have a funny personality and love to laugh. Lots of things strike you as hilarious that surprise me. You can tell if Daddy or I are trying to make you laugh, and you are an easy audience. You chuckle at any attempts we make. You make us feel like very accomplished comedians. :)

You give open-mouth kisses that wrack me with delight. You are very dramatic. I miss you if I am away from you for even a few minutes.

I love your thighs. I love your cheeks. I love your big blue eyes and the way they squint when you smile. I love your little voice. You jabber constantly, with much intonation and variation. When you nurse, you spend the time wringing your little hands and clasping them together. You like other people's eyes and try to touch them. You like to poke me in my eyes. When we show you your dollies the first thing you do it grin and poke them in their eyes.

You don't speak (with English words anyway) but I never have to wonder what you're thinking about or what you want. You are very expressive and very clear. I feel like I have to translate for you so I am constantly telling Daddy why you are fussing or what you are after. I do it to strangers too. Sometimes you are saying hi and wanting them to notice you. Sometime you want them to hold you. Often you like the attention, but then feel shy at the last second and have to bury your head in my shoulder. Everywhere we go people are delighted by your cuteness and say what a heartbreaker you'll be someday.

You love to be held. You don't want to sit in a shopping cart or ride in a stroller- you want to be on my hip. You usually last only a few minutes before the tears come. The moment I pick you up you are content as can be. You are heavy! But I love you so much and I want you to be happy so I acquiesce. And then you are so pleased that I understood what you were saying and responded that you look at me and laugh with joy.

I love you so much that it makes me cry to think about it. And to type about it. All I care about in the world is your happiness. My greatest hopes for you are that in your life you will be happy and satisfied and fulfilled. That you will know the love for another person that I know for you. I hope you will be able to understand someday the depth of feeling I have for you. The monumental and excruciating attachment you've inspired in me.

I love you with all my heart. I will love you til the day I die and for the rest of days afterwards and long after there are no days.

You are everything.

Love, Mommy