Why it's so much better to be a baby

If you have thigh rolls they delight people.

You never have to worry if you're out of toilet paper.

You never have to do sit-ups. Because you can't, like, even sit up.

Being bald is scrumptious.

If you get a pimple it clears itself up in a single day.

Have a double chin? Make it three! The more the merrier!

No one laughs at you if you snort milk through your nose.

A midnight snack doesn't make you fat; it's, like, necessary!

Two people in particular really care about your happiness. Their own happiness depends on it.