Thursday, August 13, 2009

DD (+4)

(Picture me with my legs crossed, eyes closed, wrists resting on my knees. I am saying "ahhm, ahhm.") This is because I am SO zen. I am SO at peace. I am patient until the end of time. Pregnant forever? Doesn't phase me. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHMMMM. (Isn't that the noise meditators make?)

Well, friendsies, I am still knocked up. And there comes a certain point after the due date has come and gone, that since there is nothing to look forward to anymore, the light at the end of the tunnel is slowly ground out by the less-than-compassionate boot heel of fate. Then there's just you and the tunnel. But you've been in the tunnel so long. You know the tunnel. The tunnel certainly won't attack you the way childbirth might. So you can live a while longer in the dark without losing your mind.

Today I woke up from a nap in a panic over the childbirth-pain-that-might-be. (This has happened three times before.) In that instant between sleeping and wakefulness I was freakishly praying mightily that the baby just stay in forever to spare me this possible terror. It takes me about 5 minutes to regain my composure after I've awoken because I get so scared of the possibly overwhelming pain. This fear of the unknown is kept at bay while I'm conscious, but rears its wimpy head when I'm less prepared.

I go in for my check-up tomorrow morning and maybe this time they'll be able to tell if I've dialated or effaced at all.

6 comments:

Emily said...

waiting on pins and needles for you! xo

Sassymama said...

Good luck!
I'm hoping they find your Cervix of Steel is starting to show some weakness...

Courtney said...

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Emily said...

Hope your doctor's appointment goes well! I'll be on to see what you have to say about it! I'm thinking about you!

Valerie and Mercado Family said...

Good luck!

Staci said...

Well, you basically said it. You have to want the baby out more than you fear childbirth, or in the baby will stay.

The mind plays a huge role in how and when the body prepares for birth!!!