Things that happen when it's 100 degrees in your house all day:

You'll try anything to beat the heat. Anything people tell you. Like wet the roof with water. (Doesn't work). Like put a giant bowl of ice in front of the fan. (Doesn't work.) Like leave your screen-less windows open at night. (Starts working around 4 am, but by then you have spider bites on your thighs.) Like get a spray bottle and mist yourself in front of the fan all night long. (Works, but you wake up so dried out you resemble a pregnant raisin.)


Also:

1. Your chocolate is all melty in the pantry.

2. Your lipstick is all melty in the bathroom.

3. Your new cantaloupe dissolves into a disgusting foamy slop on the counter.

4. You feel bad every time you leave because your poor little dog is locked in the HotHouse panicking by herself. Which is better than being outside. But still very bad.

5. You sometimes lock your little dog in the room with the fan, hoping she will lay in front of it so she will be cooler, except she won't, because she's terrified of the fan.

6. You rejoice every time you come home and your little dog is still alive because you wondered if the heat would do her in.

But that was before. LUCKILY, now that you have an ill-fitting air conditioner stuffed in your bedroom window, life for you and your little dog (if not your chocolate, lipstick, and cantaloupe) is much better.