A rundown for your pleasure

All of the pregnancy books tell you to expect some side-effects of Human-Harvesting. Here is my personal rundown:

My nose: Stuffy and sneezy every morning. Excessively. Continues to amaze both Dave and I. (Thank you Costco for selling tissue boxes in bulk.)

Stretch marks: Yes.

Heartburn: Very mild.

Waking up to pee in the night: Not even once in all these months.

The scale: Not my friend.

Back: Hurts when I wake in the morning, but fine throughout the rest of the day.

Pelvis: Aches

Leg cramps: Only once!

Zits from hormones: Mild. Not much to complain about.

Fingers: One ring-size bigger.

Swelling: Feet and ankles once, extreme. Feet two other times very mildly.

Braxton hicks: Yes.

Fetal movement: A child that kicks and wiggles like a psychopathic maniac, with a strength of limbs and force of blows that is staggering. She must be eating her spinach (or slurping its placential nutrients) because she's a strong one.

Constipation: No.

Belly button: Pokes out like a pig snout.

Appetite: Indecent.

Desire to eat healthfully: Nil.

Thoughts and intentions to exercise: Extensive.

Actual exercise: Much less. Slow walks with Davey (who makes lots of comments about the slowness).

Stomach: Firm and hard.

Rest of body: Not so much.