Tuesday, May 5, 2009

To squirm or not to squirm: that is the question

Ever the helpful wife, I decided to do some weeding while Dave was at work, and set about to rid the front yard of the clover-y patches that were springing up all over where they shouldn't. Since Oregon is a state with a particularly spider-heavy population in my opinion, I put on gloves, lest any of the tiny monsters attempt to eat me and my especially elevated fears of bugs in general.

I pulled at a few patches and then looked closer as I pulled at another. As I pulled it I saw what I thought I'd seen before: a million tiny white worms flinging themselves up from the leaves all over my hand and the ground, proceeding to squirm where they fell and try to end my life! I tumbled backward in horror, emitting involuntary grunts of horror and falling in the dirt in my attempts to scramble away. My heart racing, I crept back to look closely. After the initial horrible jumping and squirming, the worms seemed to lay relatively still. I didn't know what was going on. How horrible! Now very scared to repeat that horrific event, I tested the next patch by gently grazing my hand over just the tops of the leaves. Another swarm of tiny squiggling worms flung themselves maniacally at me!

"Infestation!" I screamed, running for the house in horror, vowing never to touch a weed again, and slamming and deadbolting the front door behind me. I collapsed with my wormy-germ gloves on the floor, amidst Pixie's wild barking and racing in every direction, having heard me scream from outside and concluding it was up to her to save us all, but from what, she didn't know.

Dave came home and I recounted the terrifying ordeal. He chuckled and mused aloud that he had never heard of such a thing and was pretty sure I was imagining it.

"Go look for yourself!" I insisted, hiding inside to watch from the window, lest a particularly high-flying worm get me if I peeked from the door.

Dave ran his hand over a clover-y patch and I couldn't see what happened but he came in a moment later.

"Those aren't worms," he told me. "Those are their seeds. That's how they propogate."

"No!" I told him. "They squirmed! I'm telling you I saw them squirming!"

"No, they didn't," Dave said. "And we don't have an infestation of worms."

Now granted, I haven't weeded in about 25 years, but all common sense tells me that seeds don't squirm. Dave is convinced I'm nuts. All I'm convinced of is my weeding days are over.


Will and Sandy said...

I know the weeds that you are talking about. We have them, too. That is the funniest story I have heard in a while:)

Emily said...

only squirming for you is on the inside and from squish... yeah... saw a scary movie last night and all i have now are serious awful shudders of disgust... say no to weeding.

Jen said...

Your story telling abilities will AlWaYs leave me in awe of you. I feel as if I were there and didn't miss a thing!!!! LOL You funny Shmesh!!!

Julie and Todd said...

I am laughing SO HARD right now!