Tuesday, April 28, 2009

No no no no no no no no no no no. No.

Last night, at my request, Dave very kindly went to the store for vanilla ice cream. He just hopped up and offered to go at the mention of my vanilla desires. He became front-runner for Husband-of-the-Year. But I think I must officially be too fat for Dave. Because why else would he come home with what he did? Do you know what he came home with? The crappy low-fat crap! Who likes that?!? Definitely not me. And Dave knows that. When I squealed in horrified protest, he did not even apologize, look surprised, or site mistaken-ness. No, he firmly defended his actions. And his crappy fake ice cream.

"But this is the best," he lied defiantly, scooping some crap into his pie-hole to prove it.

Hmm. Now. There has got to be a better way to be skinny than to eat that crap. I do appreciate the mindset behind Dave's efforts. I wish I could like that crappy fake crap. But I do not and I can not. When a pregnant person says they need some lovely vanilla ice cream, they mean what they say and can not be placated with crappy fake crap. The most interesting part was that Dave really seemed to believe there was a chance he could convince me. But I shan't be convinced. Give me ice cream or give me death! REAL ice cream!!!


Staci said...

Wow...that is pretty crazy. I don't know what to say. Low fat ice cream??? Bad idea, Dave.

Blythe said...

AMEN SISTER! Your post perfectly reflects my exact sentiments about this particular topic...and I'm not even pregnant!

Give me the real stuff or give me nothing! Or maybe I should say...give me the real stuff or the fake stuff will end up on your head!

Will and Sandy said...

I'm with Dave. Sorry:) The Breyer's Fat Free is great! I cannot eat it anymore, though, so I have to settle for Soy ice cream. Trust me, Lo Cal ice cream is great!

M-A said...

Sometimes husbands forget that they shouldn't mess with pregnant women and their raging hormones

p.s. you look great.

Courtney said...

Ummmm, so I think that you need to remind Dave that you are PREGNANT, not fat. You know, that all that extra weight you've put on lately consists of another person, a placenta, amniotic fluid, etc., and that you will probably shrink back down to your pre-pregnancy weight like, 2 minutes after the baby is born. The nerve!

As for the ice cream. Well, I don't do diet either. I think you should serve that ice cream to Dave every night for dinner until it is gone, and see how he likes it!

nicole said...

I love the term "crappy fake crap". I think you have coined a new gem of a phrase in this post. I will now find ways to use the term "crappy fake crap" this week... when my little guys aren't listening, of course. :)

Jessica said...

My college boyfriend clued me into one of the secrets of a happy life and that is to never ever EVER eat anything but real full-fat full-sugar ice cream.
Not every day. Maybe not even once a week. But never ever the fat free, sugar free, disgusting chemical concoction that is DIET ice cream. Which is a contradiction in and of itself.

Jessica said...

Dave has alerted me that he has read this post and is angry that I should portray him as thinking I am fat, when the real reason he bought the crappy fake crap is because it was on sale. I didn't stand a chance. If it had been the frozen cauliflower on sale he would have bought that and called it a day.

Emily said...

Haha, I have fun reading your blogs. And everybody's comments. Well, I don't think low fat ice cream is very good either, but your comment about Dave buying it because it was on sale sounds like the Dave you've described in the past. I usually try to buy ice cream on sale, too, because it can be pretty ridiculously expensive these days. But I never buy the lowfat stuff, I'll buy Dreyers, Breyer, Tillamook, Umpqua... I don't care what brand it is if it's on sale, but NEVER the low fat stuff.

I think some low fat things are OK, that I can't get through to my husband, who refuses to eat low fat cream cheese (or low fat anything really), even though I don't see much of a difference from regular in cream cheese. (Don't confuse with no fat, which is a huge difference.) Oh well.