Monday, November 10, 2008

13 Going on 30 (+1)

As elaborated on recently by a fellow blog-friend, turning 30 is quite a milestone.

Your twenties are like a fun game. Being twenty-something generally encompasses being in college, going to millions of parties, primping a lot, dating millions of people, getting married, taking vacations, having babies, buying a first home, owning a first dog, spending money as you please, and making your own rules. Your skin is wrinkle-free and the only time you'd go to bed before midnight is because the night before you didn't go to bed at all.

The thirties are this whole different crazy ballpark. People go through menopause in their thirties! People get wrinkles. People get fat. Clothes that were once perfectly appropriate become laughable.

I turned 30 last December. Which means I'll be 31 next month, thereby plopping me smack-dab into the throes of official thirties-hood. What does this mean for me? Where should I shop? I've only ever bought clothes from the juniors' department. (Except when I was about 25 and thought it was time I grew up so I bought all new stuff from the misses department and walked around like a frump for a straight month before I regained my sanity.)

I am typing this in glittery flip flops, a ponytail, and a Roxy hoodie. Is this still okay? Is it no longer appropriate? Last week, one woman saw my wedding ring at work and exclaimed that I was surely much too young to be married. When I told her I was thirty her shocked gasp was audible. A day later another woman, attempting to get my attention, called out, "Little girl! Little girl that works here!" At my wedding in June, the lady filling out our paperwork told me afterward, "If I hadn't seen your birth certificate, I would have sworn you were one of those 18-year-old brides."

I love MTV. New episodes of the Real World make me salivate. I watch The Hills to double-check the efficacy of my hair style choices. I dress my tiny dog in pink sequins and squeal with delight as she prances about. I take naps every day, can't cook, and spent most of today receiving a luscious make-over (and subsequently blowing my wad) courtesy of M.A.C. cosmetics and their (highly age-inappropriate) hot pink and purple shimmery shadows.

There are only a couple of things that are significantly "30-ish" about me:

1. My metabolism (quite sluggish, in fact.)

2. My one white hair (interestingly, not in my head, but my eyebrow.)

IDK. Seems like a slippery slope.


Anonymous said...

When you told me you were 30, you probably heard that same gasp :) Now, don't get me wrong, being 30 isn't a bad thing at all. You are just so cute and so sweet! Nope, it isn't bad that you are dressing that way etc... if you can pull it off, then why not do it?! And YOU can. Have fun, enjoy being able to wear the cute things you do :) What day is your birthday?

Stephanie said...

Okay so I have seven older sisters and all of them love and loved their thirties! I don't know anything about it and all I can say is I am scared to death to turn 30. You look great though and you are a blast to be around!

Blythe said...

I think my blood pressure was rising while reading that post. You're stressing me out! I'm not that far behind you! And I really don't want to get old. Every single day I think about the things you mentioned in your post.

I feel the need to quote Joey from the Friends episode where he turns thirty..."Why God WHY?! We had a deal, let the others grow old NOT ME! And now Chandler too (or Jessica, in this case)...we're all getting so old! Why are you doing this to us?!"

That's exactly how I feel. WHY is this happening to us?! I like my sparkly nail polish and South Park shoelaces! Woe is me.

Julie and Todd said...

It is. Slide down girl. I'll meet you at the bottom. And we'll have a teenager-wanna-be party at the bottom. I wish I fit into any of the clothes in the junior dept, but there were parts of me that become unjunior years and years ago (mostly parts on the top half) which precluded me from shopping there. I only look now. Look and wish I still had the body of a teen (like you).

diana said...

I think your lucky. I started getting grey hairs at 20!!! You look great and I know you will be one of those grandmas that look like the mother instead. I wish I was so lucky. sometimes I think I already look like the grandma!! Just kidding!!

Jessica said...

Despite my worries it's actually not been that bad for me, and I'm into my third month of ThirtyNess.

I bought a bottle of wine at Safeway and got carded the other day, even WITH the two little boys I've spawned in the shopping cart. I was thrilled.

The gal handed me back my license and said "I would NOT have thought that you were born in '78"
I seriously almost cried with joy.

And after I had Ben, the nurse was going over the "how to take care of a baby" stuff and I said "I know, I have two other ones at home" and she looked at me all crazy and said, "no, you're not old enough to have three kids."

Uh, sorry, but I am.

M-A said...

just turned 30...can't get rid of the i'm-getting-old pit in my stomach. i'll never forget the first time i walked into your room and saw all the pink. growing up in WA during the nirvana grunge days, i never met a girl who publicly admitted to liking pink. i love that you embrace your, glitter, ponytails and all.

Emily said...

Haha, your blogs are always funny Jessica. You know, I was pretty surprised when I found out you were 30, too. I wouldn't have guessed 18, maybe I'm better at guessing people's ages than some, maybe since some people think I must be 16, but yeah, I'm sure a lot of people think you're 20. I would have guessed 25. And I agree with Chelsea, if you can pull it off, and it's what you want to do, then go for it. Although I don't know what Dave thinks, I know sometimes my husband wishes I'd dress older sometimes. I'm still wearing all my clothes from high school. I had a lady see my wedding ring the other day and say, you're married?!? You look like you're in high school! Nope, I am 21... funny the things people will say. Calling you a little girl? That's kind of rude... oh but by the way, I think it's a little early for you to be worrying about menopause!

Courtney said...

Okay, Jess. So, you may BE turning 31, but the fact that people keep mistaking you for an adolescent means that you can probably get away with doing youthful things well into your forties. Since I am only a year behind you (30 here I come - ugh!), I say, who cares about the rules? You don't have kids yet, and once you do, you probably won't have a choice as to whether or not to act immaturely. You will be stuck in adult world! Take advantage of it now, and be who you are! At least I'm planning on doing that.

As for your slow metabolism - you are extremely delusional, skinny one. Your waist is smaller than Princess Jasmine's.

As for your gray hair....well, I'm glad that you clarified that it was in your eyebrow. When you said that it wasn't in your head, my mind went....well, you know.:o)